Life
by WhiteWolfCub
Summary: Life is supposed to be a game, something meant to be enjoyed. However, Hisoka Kurosaki knows life truly sucks when he starts an inner monologue to an audience. [AU, Yaoi, and Muraki being himself, but in an AU enviroment]


**Title: **Life  
**Author: **WhiteWolfCub  
**Genre: **Humor/Romance/Drama  
**Category: **Yami no Matsuei  
**Warnings: **Yaoi and Muraki. AU fic.   
**Summary: **Life can be troubling; a famous family, a hateful twin, a psychotic-but-denies-it personal doctor, and a sugar high family friend, Hisoka Kurosaki is about ready to shoot himself. Not before taking everyone down first…

**Disclaimer: **I do not own YnM or Suzuki car company.

**Notes: **I think this fic will do me some good, considering all the rest of mine are horror and drama (except one other fic) so I hope you guys can come to enjoy this one as much as you enjoy my others. Hisoka is a little sarcastic in this one, which will actually be about eighty percent of the humor, and Tsuzuki takes care of the other twenty. So, without further ado, the fic known as (dun-dun-DUN) Life.

Gaspeth! On with the new story!

---Prologue---

"It looks like just another fever; you should really take it easy Hisoka-kun."

_I'll take it easy once you get out of the room, Muraki-sensei…bastard._

I looked up at the silver haired man before me, watching as he shook the thermometer extra hard to get my germs off of it. Nothing would please me more than to see him shake to hard and his hand fall off…or something like that. It pisses me off that Muraki-sensei can waltz right into MY home and start taking my temperature. Okay, so maybe I'm being a little unreasonable, but just because he's my personal doctor does not mean he has access to our house. Sighing, I slip my shirt on again, still not getting why Muraki-sensei insists that he takes my temperature under my armpit. I have a mouth you know!

"Now, drink plenty of fluids," he says, smiling that stupid smile and handing me a glass of water. He probably poisoned it in order to get me to have sex with him.

What a dick.

Maybe I should explain…well, my name is Hisoka Kurosaki and I am the youngest son (only by five minutes mind you) to the business tycoons known as Kurosaki corporations. My father, Nagare Kurosaki, is strict on the whole 'every child must take their father's place' crap. Guess who the unlucky brat chosen was? Me. The freak or so say the people who know about my empathy. Freaked out? Then you wouldn't stand a chance against Muraki-sensei; the crazy, psychotic, doll-loving sadist that he is.

Then there's Tsuzuki, a family friend, or something close to that. His family started that car company known Suzuki, but don't ask me about why they didn't just spell their name right, because even I don't know…and I know a lot. I have an ego, so what, wanna fight about it? Anyway, Tsuzuki is one of those people that never shut up, no matter how hard you try to tune him out. He even has a record! Now don't get me wrong, I don't hate Tsuzuki, but I certainly don't like him either. He's annoying, loves sugar to the point of unhealthy, talks too much, is slightly suicidal, and causes a ruckus no matter where he goes. He's also hopelessly lazy.

He has also appointed himself my personal bodyguard ever since I was born. Even then, he was always talking. He would always tell me how good my name was, and that it fit me to the point that it made HIS head spin. He would laugh at his own not-quite-joke that wasn't even funny to begin with and then take me back home to where I had to endure more talking!

Hijiri Kurosaki is my older twin, but as far as I'm concerned, our personalities clash to the point that we want to destroy each other. I have inklings that I'm the only one with murder fantasies though…but that isn't the point, the point is, I hate him. I hate him and his…always happy and smiling ways. Stupid reason I know but something about him irks me, irks me so bad he wishes it wouldn't irk me so bad.

Besides being happy and carefree (while me, the sour puss), our little cousin Kazusa absolutely adores Hijiri. She got him this really nice violin for his birthday (mine comes one day after, funny that eh) and he'd been playing with it ever since. At first he sucked at it, the annoying screeches somehow making their way from the first floor (his room) to the fourth (my room). He was so bad I had to beat myself over the head with my own books, and that was always painful.

Well, Kurosaki's are very bright, so he learned quickly, and I think that was why I was chosen to take over. See, I love to read, mainly because I have a photographic memory, but that is beyond the point. The drama in my life is bad enough that I just love to watch characters suffer instead of myself. Usually, when I first meet people I characterize them; 'never meet again', 'I'll talk if you're lucky', and 'I somewhat like you, be happy.'

For future note people, everyone I have met is usually in the first category.

In fact, Tsuzuki used to be in the first category, but for my seventh birthday he got me Shakespeare's entire collection along with a high quality book shelf. He was bumped up to the second category, and believe me, that's quite a feat, considering I hate the human race.

I love animals though; something about how primal they are fascinates me.

Animalistic, sounds kink –thought process TERMINATED!

I'm fifteen, of course I have raging hormones, not that anyone knows of course. Anyway, my whole life has been strictly by the book, no arguments, and no complaints. I've never had the courage to complain, seeing how my father can get fucking _scary _when things do not go his way. Don't tell anyone, but I hear he gets pissed because he gets ass raped by a snake every night.

Heh, now that is a funny thought.

You know, I think I spaced out while Muraki-sensei was talking…oh crap, yeah, I definitely spaced (which around HIM is a VERY bad thing).

"-and so you should really…" he trailed off; eyeing me with that predatory look he gets sometimes. Pervert.

"I'm listening," I respond, giving him the 'get-on-with-it' look. However, he only smirked, pushing his glasses back up his ugly nose before looking at me with those fucked up eyes. Seriously, a blue mechanical eye while his other is silver, I think he might be blind. I had actually asked him about it once, but he only smirked again and said that it looked threatening.

Yeah, refused to see him for a month, that's how scary he can be with only one statement. I just thank Kami that it isn't me he likes. Poor, poor unlucky Tsuzuki. I almost sighed in understanding.

"And you should really try to stay healthy, at least until your sixteenth birthday next week," he finishes.

I resist the urge to stick my tongue out at him. I am far too dignified for such childish acts of displeasure anyway.

"Well then, I shall be off then, Hisoka-chan," he says. Damn it pisses me off when he uses that ending.

"Well then, I'll have someone take you to the door," I say, getting up off the bed and walking out of the room. Or at least, I wanted to until a hand clamped over my arm and pulled me back to where I was originally sitting. I hate it when he touches me; his emotions are just so…fucked up.

"Stay in bed Hisoka-kun," Muraki-sensei says in that really freaky voice. Oh, so we're back to the '-kun' now are we? Bastard, everything about him makes me boil with rage. Ever get the feeling like you were just born for the sole purpose of HATING someone! I do!

Did I mention how much I hate Muraki-sensei?

"Well, then, get better soon Hisoka-kun," he says lovingly (fake, it's fake love I say!).

Not even gracing him with an answer, I tuck myself in, letting the fever take over and bring me into blissful unawareness.

Better than looking at Muraki-sensei's ugly mug anyway.

---OOO---

"Happy birthday to you!"

I think I hear something.

"Happy birthday to you!"

Oh no, death has come with his horrid, off key singing. I knew I should have gone to church on that one Sunday. Damn you karma, damn you strait to hell.

"Happy birthday Hijiri and Hisoka! Happy birthday to you!"

I grumble unhappily, knowing that if I feign sleep, death will leave me alone and take Hijiri instead. Okay, maybe I'm being a little harsh, but our personalities clash man, they clash!

"Ano, Tsuzuki-san, you do know that my birthday is a day before his don't you?"

Wait a minute I know that voice…

"Wha- oh yeah! You were born Thursday night and he was born Friday morning!"

Maybe I should grace them with my godly presence…

"Wow he sure does sleep a lot."

"Aw, Hijiri, he's just sick again is all," Tsuzuki was saying and I open my eyes to see him sitting by my bed, smiling in my general direction. Behind him, Hijiri was also standing there, and he was smiling too, looking at me when I finally raise my head to acknowledge them both.

"Hey. Hisoka-chan, how are you feeling?" Hijiri asks and I sit up, yawning behind my hand. I rub my eyes of their sleep and nod slightly, deciding that I'm too tired to be rude to anyone right now.

"Did Muraki do something?" Tsuzuki asks.

It's actually tradition; ever since Tsuzuki met Muraki-sensei he had hated the man with a deadly passion. So, whenever I would have my check ups, he would visit me after Muraki-sensei leaves and ask me if the evil doctor had tainted me in any way. In truth, it kind of humors me, how frightened he is of the man. Apparently they had grown up together, though not as friends. Tsuzuki told me that Muraki-sensei was always trying to poke his eyes out and study them, while Tatsumi-san would make hissing sounds of warning. Oriya would just stand in the background however, a rather amused smile on his face. That is what Tsuzuki would tell me anyway.

Everyone hates each other, fantastic, the world continues to spin.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot, Tsuzuki is best friends with these two other guys; Tatsumi-san and Watari-san. Tatsumi-san works with Tsuzuki, and is very good at what he does, though Watari-san is an inventor. Yeah, you know those awesome water filters? He invented them. That was the biggest invention he had ever made, and had become a household name because of it (mainly for the fact that he saved housewives and househusbands everywhere). You're probably thinking Watari must be really old, but he isn't.

His grandfather had come up with blueprints for the thing, but he died before he could get it noticed. Watari accidentally sold it for a lot of money when he was young. It shocks me, but then again, I can believe it. Somehow, he doesn't even invent so much anymore as toying around with multiple chemicals.

Tsuzuki is still recovering from the failed sex change potion.

I think I spaced out again…

"I'm sorry, what?" I ask. They look at me briefly, wondering if I was actually sane or not. Honestly, grow up you two, it's not like I'm immune to spacing out.

"We didn't say anything," Hijiri says, confused.

Oh yeah, this is embarrassing.

"That bastard Muraki did this!" Tsuzuki suddenly declares, standing up with his hand fisted in front of him. He really hates my personal doctor. Hijiri only looks confused, slipping around Tsuzuki to stand in front of me that smile STILL on his face.

"Can you believe we're turning sixteen next week Hisoka? I can't. I'm going to play this really hard piece on my violin, just for Kazusa, 'cause, she bought it for me after all, so I really want to repay her kindness and-," I've tuned him out by now, and instead fix my attention to Tsuzuki, who is actually not looking happy for once.

"Ne, Hisoka-chan, looks like it might be another cold birthday," he says. Uh, yeah, Tsuzuki, my birthday IS in October. I can see why he worries though, my body is pretty weak, so therefore it doesn't adapt well to extreme cold or heat. My last birthday I had come down with a fever and had to skip the party (not that I minded, I hate crowds). Looks like the same might happen this year if this fever doesn't go away.

"You know, baka, you shouldn't skip work just to see me," random comment? Hell yeah, but I have to get them to stop talking _somehow._

The comment effectively shut everyone up though, and Hijiri looked at Tsuzuki, who was blushing as the attention moved towards him in a not-too-positive sort of way. I cocked my head to the side, knowing, but not necessarily liking, how cute I can actually be when I widened my green eyes enough. In fact, I saw Hijiri doing the same thing, and I have to say, it freaks me the hell out at how identical we look.

Almost like mirror images.

I mentally shake that thought out of my head and put all attention into Tsuzuki again, only to find out he hadn't responded yet. I had to fight down my irritation, but that is only because I hate waiting…waiting irks me. Everything irks me though…

Man, I never realized until now but I need to lighten up.

Human race still sucks though…stupid idiots just can't keep their emotions to themselves!

"Well, Tatsumi is taking care of everything for now, so you guys don't need to worry," he says, his smile back. "Besides, Tatsumi loves working, you know how he is 'time is money' after all!" Great, he's laughing nervously now. Fantastic, now I have to pretend like I care and then I have to comfort him and ask what's wrong and all that shit. Bah, stupid politeness rules.

However, Hijiri beat me to it (not that I was trying, mind you). "Tsuzuki-san, is something wrong?" He asks. I nod my affirmative to the question, making him think I was wondering too. Being nice is tiring.

Holy crap I really do need to lighten up…not that I'm going to tell them that.

"Well," at least Tsuzuki seems to be happy again. "You guys don't need to worry about a thing, I'm just supposed to be helping your family distract you for the surprise party…oh no, I wasn't supposed to say that."

Did I mention he's an idiot?

Hijiri seemed to be thinking the same thing.

"Why don't we go out somewhere, make us pretend we didn't hear anything," I say suddenly, surprising even myself and standing up, ignoring the complete wave of dizziness that threatened to swallow me whole. I hate fevers; they are so fucking annoying (if you excuse my foul but true language).

Tsuzuki and Hijiri both seemed to brighten at my suggestion.

"Okay, my treat, where do the twins want to go?" Tsuzuki asks and I notice that he stands next to me, just in case I get dizzy again and fall down. It is almost creepy how well he knows me, and also creepy that he memorized which direction I always fall when I get dizzy. Crazy, I know, but I always fall in a certain direction.

That is to my right, so take that you lefties.

"Oh, let's go to the festival that is being held in Kyoto!" Hijiri exclaims, clapping his hands together. "We can take the bullet train and get there by noon!"

Bah, festivals, stupid place, too many people.

Tsuzuki turns to me, as if asking if this is what I want, and I find myself smirking at the fact that I'm his favorite. Heh, take that you evil twin. You know, now that I actually think about it, I might be the evil twin in this situation. Aw, well, shit to that then, I'll pretend I'm the good one for the time being. Don't get me wrong, I might hate my twin, but I hate him even more when he's upset, because he _always _manages to put me on a guilt trip.

Well, festival in Kyoto it is then.

"Okay, fine," I respond.

"Don't strain yourself Hisoka-chan," Tsuzuki says softly, bending down to my level and smiling directly into my face.

"I'm fine," I snap, swiping his hand away. "I don't need to be babied."

Now, understand this, Tsuzuki is an idiot, but sometimes he can confuse the hell out of me by being so un-Tsuzuki like. So when he responds like this…

"Of course you don't."

…I get a bit confused and slightly flustered. Hormones are a bitch, especially when they make me picture Tsuzuki throwing me down on my bed and pound- thought process TERMINATED!

Holy shit, I did not just think that! My face is as red as a cherry I'm sure, but good thing the two had started to converse about their plans when they get to the festival. Oh Hisoka, you kinky bastard you, fifteen and already thinking about banging a twenty six year old man.

I'm not thinking about this anymore.

Shaking my head I sigh, slipping on my jacket really quickly and following after the two as they start to leave the room. Well, maybe the festival will make me forget about what I had just thinking about.

---OOO---

I. Hate. HIJIRI!

How DARE he "accidentally" bump into me while dancing with Tsuzuki and knock me into the fish catching booth. Not only am I soaking wet now, but I squashed about twenty fish, effectively making me enemy number one to the owner of the booth and the little children who were trying to catch their own pet "fishies".

Now, here I am, heir to Kurosaki corporations, sitting on a bench while Tsuzuki tries to towel dry my hair. Where did he get the towel? Even I don't know the answer to that. Man, me being soaked is really starting to make me cold.

Now I know an effective way to make my fever worse.

Yay for me.

"I'm so sorry little brother! I didn't mean to! Is your fever worse? Are your clothes soaked? Are you going to faint? Oh no! I killed my own brother!" Trust Hijiri to be a total unhelpful spaz when the situation is critical.

"You didn't kill him Hijiri-kun," Tsuzuki says, looking worried. "In fact, once we get him dried off, he'll be fine."

That involves getting a new set of clothes, thank you, Hijiri. Bastard.

"You brought that spare yukata didn't you?" I ask, sniffling slightly. Tsuzuki seemed to pause for a moment before smiling and nodding, ruffling my damp hair with affection. Great, he ruined it…bastard.

Hijiri suddenly smiled, rushing off before anything more could be said and returned just as fast, an emerald yukata in his arms. You know, I'm no psychic, but I think I knew Tsuzuki was going to bring that one. Whenever the time comes for any formal dressing, he always wants me to pick the emerald.

I still don't know why.

"Can you get this on by yourself?" Tsuzuki asks, handing me the material with that same smile.

"Of course I can I'm not a child," I say rather harshly, standing up and walking to the bathrooms, huffing with my head held high as I walked away. I could feel their amusement…bastards.

Sighing heavily I walk into one of the stalls, quickly stripping of my wet clothes and slipping the green garment on, taking the sash with great care and tying it with ease. I have great hand eye coordination, not to brag or anything, but all those years training in archery and kendo really did me some good with that.

Oh man, I feel a headache coming on already.

Stupid people and their stupid emotions.

Folding my wet clothes into a neat pile, I unlock the stall, hoping to get back to the festivities without anything disturbing me when I bumped into something…hard. I think it's a person.

"Sorry about that," I mumbled, bowing to show that I really was sorry (though I kind of wasn't). However, the man only smiled, patting my shoulder lightly.

"Don't worry about it kiddo," he said.

I look up, slightly confused, but my breath catches when I see who it is. My father had always told me to beware of Serinium Corporation and the people who run it. He always warned Hijiri and I that they were the rivals, and they do everything they can to each other in order to knock them out of the competition.

The entire family had red eyes.

_You better high tail it Hisoka, this guy looks mean _I thought to myself, bowing again before hurrying out the door.

I could feel his eyes burning into the back of my neck as I shut the door behind me, almost running back to where Tsuzuki and Hijiri were waiting.

"You look very nice Hisoka-chan," Tsuzuki complimented.

I ignored him and turned to Hijiri, whispering who I had seen in his ear. His eyes showed no recognition at first, but his emotions took on a panicked turn a few beats later. Pulling back I nodded towards the bathroom and he gently took my hand in his, smiling almost reassuringly.

I'm not a child! How many times must I say that for them to get the idea?

Not that he's letting go, mind you, seeing that Hijiri has always been protective of me when it came to business. I always got the feeling that he wants to save me from becoming the head of the Kurosaki corp. in the future.

_Stupid Hijiri _I think half-heartedly.

"Well then, we should be off," Tsuzuki spoke, and again, I think I just tuned out an entire conversation. I was surprised at how worried he sounded though and Hijiri had yet to let go of my hand. Stupid older brothers and their stupidly protective ways.

Humph, makes me mad…but not too mad I guess.

---OOO---

"Haven't I told you boys time and time again not to leave without some sort of protection?"

Oh man, dad is totally pissed. Hijiri, however, looks just as mad, and I really wonder why he acts like such a bully at school and towards our parents but he is such an idiot in every other situation. Stupid older brothers, confusing the hell out of me most of the time…I hate him.

"Do you not trust Tsuzuki-san's capabilities?" Hijiri asks and I find myself silently rooting him on. The sooner I get out of this the better.

"Yes, I trust Tsuzuki-san," our father replies. "However, I don't like how he is always babysitting the two of you."

Old man, he spends his time with me, not Hijiri. So, nyeh, I'm the favorite.

"Babysitting is like being a bodyguard, am I wrong?" Hijiri counters, not missing a beat. Yeah, and he isn't becoming the president of the company…why?

That seemed to catch a point with our father and my mother leaned forward to whisper something into his ear. It might be really mean, but my mother is the one I loathe the most. When I was really young she suffered from insanity and actually tried to kill me. Even though she had been treated for it, she still hates me. Yeah, well, the feeling is mutual ma.

"Fine, but be more careful next time," father sighed. "Until your sibling is born, we still have use for you two."

Ouch, burn. You wonder why I hate society.

"Oh wow, we're getting a younger brother or sister?" Hijiri suddenly exclaimed, looking happy again. I think he's bipolar sometimes.

Our father seemed to think so as well, seeing how his emotions started magnifying annoyance. I am going to have such a headache after all of this.

"Yes, we found out just last week," he said stiffly.

You know, I don't think he was ever planning on telling us that we were going to have another sibling.

"Now," he continued, not allowing time for Hijiri to interrupt. "Hisoka-kun, Hijiri-kun, go to your rooms for now, dinner is at six."

"Yes father," we respond simultaneously, bowing low and walking out of the room.

We are both completely silent, so you can guess that's the sort of effect father has on us I suppose.

Life is hectic but dull, sour but sweet, and irritating but fun.

Yeah, that sums it up.

Life sucks.

---**TBC---**

Additional Notes:

Hisoka thinks everyone is a bastard, heh, funny. Anyway, Hisoka sounds really sarcastic in the fic but that is how he is supposed to be portrayed –dry humor and a bit pessimistic towards life. Next chapter, when I get in the right mood to write this story, will go into more detail with Serinium corp. and Tsuzuki's Suzuki car company. (XD) I had to do it! Please don't kill me. Anyway, I hate Hijiri, I really do, however, he was needed for the story. So, Hisoka kind of has mixed feelings about the guy.

**Next chapter: **Hisoka gets a life lesson from Muraki (not the perverted kind), Tsuzuki comes bearing gifts, and he ponders the ultimate question: does Tsuzuki go commando?

_**Just when I finally slap some sense into life, fate has to be a bitch and get revenge for her best friend!** I thought angrily, kicking a random pebble and hoping it will hit someone._

_Too bad that 'someone' is Muraki-sensei…damn you fate, damn you; I hope she burns in hell with Hijiri. _


End file.
